Sunday 19 April 2015

5 Crazy Geniuses That Changed The World

There has been a bit of connection between genius and madness throughout history, maybe the people that dedicate so much of their intellectual energy to solve and explore the complexities of the universe just don’t have any cognitive strength left for mundane everyday items. On the other hand having a pet bear pushes (Lord Byron, and it lived with him in his dorm at Cambridge) the envelope from ‘gifted eccentric’ to ‘I eat my cornflakes with ox-blood crazy’. Here are some of the kookiest, craziest and just plain bat-sh*t insane people that actually changed the world.
1. Samuel Morse: Austria was Going to Destroy Anglo-Saxon Americans
Not only did Morse invent Morse code he also invented the telegraph. Not sure why all his means of communication were percussion based, but I think it should indicate towards mental instability. Morse was a hyper-paranoid conspiracy theory type. Yes, as in back-woods tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorists. He believed that Blacks, Jews, Catholics and all of Austria were out to destroy the Anglo-Saxon Protestants of the U.S.
2. Yoshiro Nakamatsu: Periodically Almost Kills Himself, But Wants to Live to be Exactly 144 y.o.
Stop getting testy…I said ‘crazy geniuses that changed the world’ not ‘famous crazy geniuses that changed the world’ sheesh! You’re like an overly demanding girlfriend sometimes, anonymous reader. Mr. Nakamatsu invented the digital watch, taxi meter, the CD and DVD. So, every time you jammed out to ‘Spice Up Your Life’ (that’s a Spice Girls song right?), while looking at the time on your Casio wrist-watch and enjoying a copy of Jurassic Park, you can thank Mr. Nakamatsu for making that happen. Oh, and he also voluntarily brings himself to the brink of drowning to come up with new patents (which he already has 3000 of), and catalogues every single thing in his life (food, sleep and pooping times) in an attempt to live to be exactly 144 years old.
3. John Harvey Kellogg: Masturbation is Ruining Society
Obviously this is the guy that invented Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. Which if you didn't know was originally intended as a breakfast food to help prevent masturbation in younger children. He was what we would today call a Masturbation Tsar. Which is a well deserved title for someone that was a proponent of using circumcision as a punishment when little Bobby stayed in the shower too long. Or the administration of carbonic acid directly to the clitoris if little Susie locked her door too often. I’m assuming at this point that Kellogg ate his own product with mercury instead of milk because he was also a  proponent of sewing the foreskin shut, tying masturbating kids’ hands together, electroshock therapy and special devices that would make erections extremely painful. Oh, but his crazy went above and beyond all decency when he performed a clitorectomy on a 9 y.o. If you don't know what that is look it up on Google, its insanely messed up. You've been warned.
4. Pythagoras: Had a Cult and a Vendetta Against Beans
This ancient Greek mathematician is considered one of the most significant contributors to mathematical thought of all time. His theorem is not only used in geometry and trigonometry he was also a proponent of deciphering nature via mathematics and creating the precursor to physics. He also had a cult with a boat-load of restrictions and rules one of which was prohibiting the consumption of beans because they were evil. Why were they evil? Because they make you fart and look like genitals. Well, he kind of has a point there.
5. Thomas Edison Soup Tested His Assistants
Not-inventor of the light bulb, but most famous as an idea stealer, however, this article isn’t about morality. It’s about bat-sh*t insanity, and Edison has got that covered too. Not only was he a man that was opposed to capital punishment but built the first electrical chair. He also electrocuted a live elephant in public to prove that Tesla’s alternative current was more dangerous than his own direct current. He also had a very particular interview process for his assistants, he would have them eat soup in front of him, and if they seasoned the soup before they ate, he would reject them. Someone that seasoned their soup before trying it he assumed was biased to their own assumptions. You see the irony in that last sentence right?

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